


Bound For Nowhere

by victorianvirgil



Series: 13 Days of Halloween (2020) [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Death, Fluff, Grief, Logicality fluff, M/M, Widow!Logan, dead!patton, ghost - Freeform, im going to hell, kinda sad, logicality - Freeform, maybe just the twilight zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27116539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victorianvirgil/pseuds/victorianvirgil
Summary: After the death of his boyfriend, young university professor, Logan Mara spirals into a dark spiral of alcoholism and grief that can only be drowned out by the sounds of the roaring train next to his apartment. But, the trains don't run that late.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: 13 Days of Halloween (2020) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979275
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Bound For Nowhere

Every night was the same. Logan would return from a day of teaching at the university, to the rattling walls and screeching wheels of the train passing every fifteen minutes or so. It was a wonder, he had thought, when he purchased the apartment. He couldn’t understand why it was a steal, what the catch was. Then the first night in the house, it made sense. He used to laugh about it with his boyfriend, Patton, before he was killed in a car accident. After that, the nights all blurred together. Logan drank himself to sleep, only to be awoken by the screeching wheels on the railroad track just a short walk from his apartment building. He’d cover his face with his pillow, willing the sound to stop so he could continue his alcohol-induced coma.

But that night was different. He had run out of Jack Daniels the night before and had been too caught up with work to go out and buy more. So he stared at the cracked ceiling, unable to sleep. The silence was deafening. Each night, the train came by at the same time, around two-thirty in the morning — he hadn’t known the trains ran that late — preventing any sort of sound sleep. He fumbled around for his glasses on his nightstand. Pushing them onto the bridge of his nose, he blinked a few times, focusing his vision before glancing at the alarm clock beside his bed. 2:37. It had always passed by then.  _ Who cares?  _ he reasoned to himself, closing his eyes and wrapping himself further into his comforter. Within seconds, he groaned in frustration, kicking the blankets off of his legs.

Slipping a pair of shoes on, he wordlessly left his apartment. 

He shoved through the broken chain link fence that separated the small parking lot of his building from the clearing where the rusty train tracks laid. He observed the empty, empty railroad and lit a cigarette. It shouldn’t have been empty. He dug his heels between the pebbles on the stone clad ground, kicking up the dirt underneath them, as he pulled up the train schedule on his phone. No trains ran past midnight.

He rubbed his temples.

_ I’m losing my Goddamn mind. _

He took a drag of the cigarette, internally beating himself up for allowing himself to go crazy, like he promised himself he wouldn’t.

He shook his head and turned his back to the tracks. Just as he was pulling up the patch of loose fencing, he heard it.

The unmistakable scream of a train whistle cut through the thick silence of the night. He turned, shocked, covering his ears as the train came to a loud, screeching halt. Sparks flew off of the rails as the train stopped directly in front of him. In front of him was an old locomotive — the kind from the _Polar Express_ , complete with a shady conductor — billowing steam into the otherwise clear air.

Logan didn’t move. He just stared.

“Logan Mara, yes?

The conductor was dressed in black, the moonlight dimly lighting his dark uniform. He waited for a response, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh — yes — yes, thats me.”

“Very well. Wait here.”

Too stunned to move anywhere else, Logan waited as the conductor entered the train, closing the sliding door behind him.  _ I’ve really lost it _ , he thought. But he hadn’t. He knew he hadn’t. He wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t delusional, so what was this?

When the door opened again, Logan took in a shattered breath.

He stepped carefully down the stairs, the moonlight a dull blue on his porcelain skin. Patton stood in front of him, clad in a powder blue sweater, crooked glasses perched on his nose. He looked just the way he had always looked.

“Are you —?”

“Real? Yeah, more or less,” he said, inadvertently examining his hands. “Alive? That’s where things get tricky in the... well, spirit world, I guess.”

“But how?”

He looked down at his feet and he lowered his voice. “Listen, Logan. I don’t have a lot of time. I just need you to listen to me.”

Logan swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. He shut up.

He looked up at him, sapphire eyes sparkling with tears.

Cupping Logan’s face, Patton rubbed his thumb across the stubble dusting his once-boyfriend’s jaw, the stubble that was never there while he was alive. A sad smile graced his face. His hands were cold.

“This isn’t you, Lo. This isn’t the man I fell in love with.”

He hadn’t realized when, but tears slid slowly down both of his cheeks.

“You’re going to drink yourself to death. I can’t let that happen. You need to let go.”

“But I can stay with you, come to the train —”

“—the train won’t bother you anymore.”

A sad expression crossed his face, desperation.

“Well, you can’t expect me to ride this bucket of bolts forever now, can you?” he said, upon seeing the look. He laughed melodically, which was enough to get Logan’s features to soften.

“No, no, I guess I can’t.”

He repeated himself, albeit much quieter this time, grasping Logan’s hands. 

“You need to let go.”

Tears streamed down his face, an unusual feat for the typically stoic professor, but he paid no mind. “I can’t — I —”

“You  _ can. _ Because I’ll always be with you.” 

Patton pulled Logan’s chin towards his and kissed him softly. Logan closed his eyes, breathing in his scent as they kissed. Logan kept them closed as Patton wiped his tears away under the dark rims of his glasses. “I love you.” 

“I —” he began, but he was gone. As was the train. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to regain his composure, and dragged himself back into his lonely apartment, back into his bed which greeted him with open arms. Back to the eerie silence of the room. He’d be okay, he kept telling himself. Because he said he could. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> HI GUYS!   
> surprise this is a few hours late in est BUT we're doing a 13 days of halloween! i hope you all enjoy this sad little spooky logicality fic to kick us off!
> 
> happy halloween binch
> 
> -mac


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